Thanksgiving

I guess we had a fine Thanksgiving lots of laughter around the table and the turkey, well, it was my best, if I do say so myself. All of my kids except Sarah were home and I'm getting used to holidays without her. I wish she lived closer and maybe someday soon she will, but for now I am learning to accept those things that I cannot change. A hard lesson that one, learning to accept the things that make your heart ache. Learning that heart ache is what you make it. It either rules you, or you take charge and rule it. I am taking the lead on heart ache now and it feels pretty darn good. I still though, don't understand when families hurt each other. When mommies say and do things to hurt their children, when daddies turn away from their daughters... I ran into an old "friend" the other day and she is expecting her second grand baby. For me a new grandchild is another little piece of Heaven right here on this Earth, but she wasn't happy at all. She was mad that her son had fathered yet another child without thinking before screwing as she put it. Sad... It isn't the baby's fault that his father doesn't think first or with the correct head. I am guessing now that that sweet little baby is going to need all the love he can get. I also have a friend who is expecting her first grand child and the baby is going to be born very sick. She will need surgery within days if not hours of being born and though everyone has their hopes high I know there is fear lurking in the background and I think about her daughter. As a mom you wish only to keep fear and pain at bay for your children and in this case both of those things are impossible. So you rely on your faith to bring the much needed peace and you pray that God, the Father, reigns down all the mercy and grace he can muster.

As the holidays approach I am more thankful than ever. Thankful for my girls, for their babies, for my family, my friends and yes, even for moist turkey. I no longer will live in the past and the sadness of it. I miss my mom and my daddy so very much, but I know they are still here with me and as for the stuff that happened that has caused much sadness in my life I have forgiven those that need forgiveness and that includes forgiving myself for allowing the tragedy that happened to have taken place. Forgiveness is a much needed necessity and now that it has taken place my life is so much easier to accept. So, there is that word again, accept, hmmmmm....... I wonder why it has taken me so long to accept acceptance. I may never know. For now, I am just happy I have a loving husband, happy children and the most beautiful, smartest grandchildren on this earth. Oh yeah, I got to meet my 9th grandchild the other day. I cannot wait until he/she is born and in my arms. Yes, I have much to be thankful for.