Big Sister

From this day forward Olivia, like it or not, happy about it or annoyed, you will be known as Sissy, Sis, Sister, Big Sissy, oh precious girl it goes on and on. The days of Olivia will fade and you will just be Sis. I promised I would never do that to your mommy or your cousins, but it happened. One day without even knowing it I called Iris Sis. She is no more my Mimi, she is Sis or Sister. I don't say this to take anything away from you. I say this because it is an honor to be the oldest. It is a place of esteem to be the big Sister. MaKenna will adore you and soon she will follow you wherever you go. She will want to be just like you. She will think you hung the moon and lit the stars. So Olivia, my Liver Sue, be a good big Sister. Love your little sissy and help your mommy. Mostly though know that when you are with your Nana that even though I may call you Sister, I know that you are Olivia. You are now and will always be my Livie Girl.. Even when I slip up and call you Sis.

7 Days and Counting

Seven more days Makenna and then I can hold you in my arms. I will whisper in your ear those words I have spoken to every grand child. Those words meant only for you, "who loves you like I do?" And someday you will answer me, "No one." And you, my precious girl, will be right because no one in this entire great big world will ever love you quite the way I do. You and me, we share a secret bond. I, after all, am your Granny. I think God made a special place for grandchildren and grandparents. Kind of like that special thing between a father and a daughter. No one can exactly explain it. It is what it is and what it is is SPECIAL. I look forward to our meeting. That day that you emerge from your mommy's womb all pink and warm. Wide eyed to the bright lights and big noise that met you as you entered. Vulnerable now and in need of protection. But, baby girl, you may have to wait a few minutes to have my undivided attention because your Mama may need me too. It is a strange and beautiful adventure for a mom to watch her babies have babies of their own. Both fear and excitement wash over and tears fall both happy and sad. No mother wants her daughter afraid or in pain and the fact is that birthing is full of both. My baby girl, my baby girl, is twenty four, well almost, and she is having her second baby. I am saddened because I cannot witness your entry. They wont let me in for the C-section. I guess sadness may be too harsh a word. I have a need.. a need to hold my daughter's hand and wipe the sweat from her brow. A need to wipe away tears when they fall. A need tiny baby, to hear your first cry, see you take your first breath and know that you are strong for this world. A need again, to see my daughter when you take these firsts and know that she too is well and that the fears of the last nine months have turned only to the awe of meeting you. Your little fingers wrapped tightly around hers, your lips shaped like an "O" searching for her milk, your eyes open and locked on hers when you see her, your mommy for the first time. So many firsts happen in the first hour of your life... I don't want to miss even a second, but I will settle for what I get. I will have too. MaKenna just know that your Grammy is waiting for you. I am waiting for my turn to feel your little baby cheeks against my face, to feel your infant body curled against my chest, to smell the sweet smell of your head as it lays just beneath my chin, and to hear the labor of your newborn breath. And tell your Mommy that I am so proud of her. I am proud that she bore you and blessed that she will share you and a little sad that my baby isn't really a baby anymore.

She's Getting Married

She's getting married, my baby girl. She has been a mom for nine years. A woman before her time, yet somehow it didn't taint her. It hasn't made her bitter to give up her childhood it has made her gentle, strong, loving, proud, beautiful, generous....... She has done all the things that a wife and mother do all without the bonds of marriage. Now in just over a month she will become a wife. Brian's wife. A boy who in his own right became a man too early, his own childhood haulted, a father and a boy all at the same time. He is a good man full of integrity. I love him as my own and I am proud of this man. But this is about my little girl, my Jazzie. We watched again for the third time today Mama Mia. I spent the entire movie crying today. I think for the first time it hit me that she is getting married. She and Brian have been together thirteen years and for the last nine they have shared a home. They have beautiful children and together they work hard to make a happy family. I look at her and I see a little girl full of life. I look at her and I know she is a woman. As we plan this long awaited day I see the confidence she once had coming back to her I see the joy in her face and I can feel the worth she feels in herself. You see in these last few years I have watched as this girl full of joy has shrunk back from herself and lost faith in who she was. I didn't know what to do for her. I know it is something women go through. That feeling of what am I here for? That feeling of thinking I am not good enough. I am not as pretty as I once was. I am tired. I am trying and no one notices. Mom, mom, mom, mom.......... Who am I? Where is Jazzie... She is right here my sweet girl, she never left you. I wish she could see herself through my eyes. I am in awe of her. She is a great mom. Her children are happy and they know they are loved. She is a good wife (I can't say the word girlfriend it just doesn't apply). She is a good friend. She is generous and always willing to help anyone who needs it. I see her wrestling a bit with her spirituality and growing into a woman who walks with the Lord and knows the importance of Christ in her life. But mostly what I see when I look at her is my little girl with her twinkly eyes. The simple things make her happy and she knows that the most important things in life are the small ones. Those perfect moments when your soul and surroundings are in harmony and all is well in the world. She is a woman who takes on life without fear, but still calls her mom everyday. I still want to make the world a safe place for her I want to hold her on my lap and let her know Mommy's got you baby girl and I will never let anything bad happen to you but, I know we are way past that. She has taught me so much about love and grace and mercy and what being a mom is all about. I guess if I could say anything to her at this time in her life it wouldn't be any words of wisdom about how to be the best wife you can be, nope , not even close to that, I would tell her thank you. Thank you for being my daughter, my friend, my teacher. Thank you Jazzie, for being you and for letting me everyday share your life with you. Thank you Jazzie for being you.